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February 26, 2003
Today has been a slightly
Today has been a slightly better (albeit the failed security test this morning...it was sort of like a raping...) day. Other than the horrid test, we went out to eat at Star of India for lunch (to celebrate the failing I suppose), and then I proofread more essays from my cousin (like the 30 millionth one), and worked on research. I talked to a bunch of people on AIM, it was pretty good although a little counterproductive. My mom called, but I told Chris to tell her that I wasn't in. I think that I'm still pretty bitter at them for the whole situation. I think a little bit of it is has lessened on the actual action that they took, and has been moved over to the aftermath, if that makes any sense. I kind of feel like my parents don't care about my feelings at the moment. My dad knew how upset I was, and still he hasn't called. And it's kind of weird because it's only been two days since I last talked to them, but it feels sort of like eternity. I keep hoping that they call, but I don't actually want to talk to them. Is that kind of stupid? I guess I'm a little disappointed that they haven't felt a need to call me to make sure that I am ok. I don't think I've ever been so pissed of at my parents before...
On the other hand, I want to thank all of my friends who have been totally supportive of me for the past few days. Of course I want to thank Mike because he is the best boyfriend in the world. I want to thank Scott for making me dinner a couple of times when I just felt like ass. Eno for talking to me, and making me take a walk with him when I felt like a big puddle of nothing. And Avi for being there right at that moment. It's sort of weird, but I kind of feel like this is when friendship really shines. You can really tell who your closer friends are by the reactions that they have when they see that you are a total mess. I guess I'm kind of glad that I don't have to feel like I'm completely alone in the world. Hehehe...I think I'm done with being sappy for the moment. But anyway, just wanted to make a note and say thanks (even if none of you guys ever read this...)
Posted by szujin at 07:50 PM | Comments (0)
February 25, 2003
This weekend has been really
This weekend has been really really bad. I'm not really sure I can even put down all the words. Actually, I don't think I will. All I know is that I'm very sad at the moment. I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive my parents for what they did for a while. The more I think about it, it seems that they had already made my decision long before they had even bothered to call me. Of course they said it was my decision, but every time I told them my decision, they would just yell at me saying that "People need to make choices." Well, I DID. And then they went ahead and did whatever they wanted to. I think that things could have been different, but they took that opportunity away from me. I feel kind of like a mess, and I just want to sit and do nothing. But I know myself, and I know that I can't. It's kind of weird, because all I feel is this heavy feeling like something is completely wrong. I want my friends to be there for me, but I feel like I can't burden them with this kind of stuff. Don't want to bother them and be a whiny person. I wish Mike were here...
Posted by szujin at 09:22 AM | Comments (0)
February 22, 2003
Yesterday night we went to
Yesterday night we went to listen to the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra. Man, they are pretty awesome. The solo pianist played Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No.1 and it was fantastic. After listening to them, I felt all priveledged that I used to play the violin. It must be that ego of mine kicking in...too bad I would've never been good enough to be in a professional orchestra...so instead I get to do computer stuff instead...sucks to be me. =)
Anyway, the day started out pretty rocky. Like I said from before, it was one of those days. I had two friends that were mad at me, and another person getting all offended b/c I hadn't invited him...it was pretty insane. I mean, it was supposed to a fun night...not stressful, but I was all sorts stressed. It must just be me and the way I am. Jen and Scott just looked at me and were like, "Calm down..." but I couldn't help feeling all this tension. Trust me to find stress when I don't think I have enough...hahaha. The arguments were so dumb, and I just wanted to scream. Of course, it's all good now. But now I can't help feel that if I don't invite my entire floor to go anywhere with me, then I must definitely be offending someone. Maybe I'll just go alone next time and be completely anti-social. =)
Posted by szujin at 04:31 PM | Comments (0)
February 21, 2003
Today is probably going to
Today is probably going to be another one of those long and crappy days where I feel sleep deprived and stupid. I think I've been having a lot of those recently. I dunno why, but I just feel guilty if I ever sleep more than five or six hours a night. Isn't that kind of whack and stupid at the same time? And it's not always that I am extraordinarily productive (I'm usually not...), but I think I've gotten into this retarded mentality that I feel like the day is usually so short, that sleeping away 1/3 of it seems pretty wrong. So instead of being more productive with more sleep on a shorter day, I get less sleep and just take longer to do crap in a longer day. A friend of mine said that we are all masochists, I think I agree with her.
Yesterday Eno told me that he read my blog, and that he thought it was boring. I think I'm hurt. No one ever said that you needed to read it!! Actually, I think I was kind of surprised to hear that anyone read it. Arthur said that he reads my blogs, but then again, Arthur reads everyone's blog, so he doesn't really count. =) But yeah, it's kind of weird b/c I can't really decide if I ever want feedback on it. Sometimes I feel like I'm being kind of personal, and other times I think I'm just relating my boring days for posterity. Where does the line cross with the stuff you can post and the stuff that you can't post?
Man...I'm having one of those days...
Posted by szujin at 12:14 PM | Comments (0)
February 20, 2003
Don't you hate it when
Don't you hate it when you know a friend is upset, but they won't admit it? I feel so completely useless, and I know if I pry at all, then I'm just being annoying. Argh. It's kind of frustrating. Bleh.
Posted by szujin at 12:21 PM | Comments (0)
Argh. I should so be
Argh. I should so be asleep right now. I have to get up pretty early tomorrow morning b/c I forgot to return stupid Blockbuster videos that I rented over the weekend. Cross my fingers that when I move my car tomorrow morning that my car space will still be there when I go back to repark it. I hate parallel parking. I was really excited when I managed to parallel park the other day after I dropped Mike at the airport. I kind of thought I wouldn't have to drive again for like, two weeks or something. Damn. I really should just suck it up and learn how to parallel park decently.
Other than that...today was a pretty ok day. I had a two hour meeting with my advisor where we hashed out a lot of my research topic. It was pretty refreshing b/c I think we're kind of moving forward. Plus, I managed to convince a bunch of people to go see a classical concert this Friday, which I didn't actually think I would succeed at doing. But apparently I've become the social organizer and I manage to find things for us to do, and I drag everyone along to go. Does that mean I have too much free time?
Anyway, Scott made dinner tonight since we were supposed to work on our security homework today. But, right when we started working on it, I started falling asleep. Ok, so for some odd reason, whenever I start reading research papers, no fail, no matter how much sleep I've gotten the night before (although last nite I don't think I got that much sleep), I will always pass out before I get to the third page. So, I was pretty useless. I figured I should go home, so we were backing out of his driveway when his car got stuck. You can imagine, he's got this dinky Firebird with rear wheel drive, and there is about an inch of slush/snow that his car has to plow through. His parking space is right next to a ditch too, so he had managed to back his car out to somehow end up face itself toward the ditch, so if he wanted to move forward, he would go straight into the ditch, and his car's butt was up on a hill where there was a crap load of snow. So, we spent the next hour throwing boiling water on his rear tires to try to melt the ice. It was pretty humorous. His neighbor happened to come home around half way through our throwing water on the wheel, and he, being a pretty big guy, ends up sitting on the trunk of his car to put some weight in the car, and Scott finally manages to get his car out of the driveway. We were feeling pretty "un-local" without having a snow shovel or salt for the matter. Snow, I've decided...sucks.
I think that's about it for now. Tomorrow I have to wake up crazy early (some more) to film for my whole Dorothy thing. Hopefully my acting skills will have miraculously improved in the last couple of days...
Posted by szujin at 02:04 AM | Comments (0)
February 17, 2003
So, I guess the weekend
So, I guess the weekend is officially over. It's about 1:30 in the morning. While my boyfriend is dutifully washing the stack of dishes we have made, I get to sit here and write in my blog (aren't boyfriends great?). This weekend has been pretty good I think. It snowed a whole bunch today, I would say over eight inches. And for some stupid reason, none of the plowers or salt trucks were out. Shelley and I had made plans to go out on a double date with our boyfriends since they were in town this weekend, and so even though there was snow everywhere, we drove anyway. The dinner was pretty good, albeit a little expensive. Kind of like a Valentine's Day/anniversary dinner for us since we didn't go out to eat on Friday. We then drove to the closest movie theatre and watched "The Pianist." The movie is actually really good, even if it is pretty depressing. Not exactly my idea of an after dinner movie, or a date movie, but I really enjoyed it. After watching it, I wanted to pick up my violin again and start playing (you kno, the whole musical instrument thing...) again. But, as we know since I am oh-so lazy, that'll never happen. Wish I had the drive to make myself good again, but I can't stand the idea of having to suck before even being half way decent again...but I digress... So anyway, after we dropped off Shelley and Ed, Mike and I went around looking for parking. Parallel parking in about half a foot of snow is not exactly the easiest of things. I actually got out of the car and tried to dig some snow out of the way (picture...me stooped in same way as a dog when he is trying to bury a bone...that's the image I have at least...) so that Mike could park the car. After we parked the car, we ran down the street with all this snow around us, no moving cars, and with the snow falling in our face...it was pretty magical. I saw all this snow and decided that I was going to make my first snow angel. I even took pictures. Hehehe. But yeah, it was pretty cool. I think there's some advisory telling us not drive around, but I think it was pretty worth it. =)
So, other that that...Saturday we went out to Touch again. It was pretty decent I think. I made Mike come out this weekend to make sure he realized that I was a good girlfriend. Hehehe. The music was worse than usual, but I think we managed all right. I bought a pair of boots that afternoon and wore it with my short black skirt and black laced top. It was mad crazy cute. Of course, Mike says that I'm not allowed to wear that outfit when he's not around, which I think is pretty humorous. I also bought another pair of shoes that kind of look like clogs. They're crazy cute too. I swear, I've become more female than I ever used to be. I have an obsession with shoes now...and I like to go shopping. What the hell is happening to me?! It's kind of frustrating...
Anyway...I think that's about it. Oh, Valentine's Day was pretty nice. Mike and I stayed in. We had a salad from Whole Foods (which is crazy good, btw), and then chocolate fonude for dessert. We sort of skipped dinner. =) It was pretty romantic. We watched a cheesy, not particularly romantic movie, "Princess Bride", but I figured since he hadn't watched it before, I'd force him to watch it. He liked it, so that's good. =) And then we started watching "My Girl Friday" which then I promptly fell asleep, even though I tried really hard to stay awake. But nevertheless...cozy evenings at home are really quite nice. =)
Posted by szujin at 02:00 AM | Comments (0)
February 13, 2003
So it is friggin' four
So it is friggin' four in the morning. Remind me not to drink coffee at dinner. I was so tired the entire day, and then I have two cups of coffee at dinner, and here I am, sitting at my desk, chatting and not going to bed like a normal person would. I used to think that coffee only affected me when I wanted it to, but sometimes it seems that it'll keep me up anyway. This is kind of annoying. Is this how insomaniacs are? I think I would go insane.
On the other hand, today I was Dororthy from Wizard of Oz. I even had that blue checkered dress going on. Lemme tell you, I will never live that down. I am such a bad actress too. I have no idea why they picked me. Oh wait, it's b/c I always put my hair in pigtails. Isn't that lovely. But yeah, walking around in 20 degree weather when there is wind in a short skirt is not particularly what I would label as fun. I thought my legs were going to fall off. There were these two people who actually walked by me on the street and were like, "sucks to be you." And I had to totally agree. I dunno...we're not done shooting yet, so I guess I'm going to have to wear that dress some more. I have no idea what I was thinking when I said yes to being Dorothy. I think I must've been smoking crack at the time....
Lastly, my wet hair froze today. I've actually never had that happen to me before. Usually, I dry it enough so that I don't have to worry about it. But today, after the gym, I was in a rush and so I didn't even bother to run it past the dryer once. So, as I'm walking back to Hamerschlag...it freezes. The entire thing. This is less than a five minute walk, and my hair is completely frozen by the time I get to my cube. Isn't that kind of whack? Teaches me to let my hair go wet...
Posted by szujin at 04:12 AM | Comments (0)
February 11, 2003
Ohmigod. My brain is about
Ohmigod. My brain is about to explode. I can't decide if maybe I'm just caffeine deprived or if I actually have a legitimate headache. I pretty much drink two shots of espresso everyday. Can't help it if it's free where I work. =) But I didn't have any today yet, and my brain...I think it's about to force me to commit suicide. I think what's most annoying about headaches are that you can't concentrate on anything while they happen. You just kind of sit there like a complete moron....
Last night I had this great dream where it was warm outside...like 70-80 degrees. I think I'm getting kind of tired of the winter. I mean, it friggin' snows everyday, and the sky is always cloudy, and the ground is always slushy. I guess down in Atlanta when it snows (which is pretty rare), the snow never sticks so you never get to see the slushy part. And without the slushy part, snow is kind of cool. =) Too bad no one feels the same excitement to want to make snowmen when it snows like I do. Everyone tells me that the snow is too dry, which is kind of ironic, considering that snow is basically water...but yeah...I just want to jump around in the snow and make snow angels or something. Actually, I think what I like most is trekking around in snow that has just fallen. It's really quite beautiful...but alas, everyone here is too busy to spend a moment just to play in the snow....
Posted by szujin at 03:25 PM | Comments (0)
February 09, 2003
I'm writing yet another post
I'm writing yet another post for the day...sad but true. Heheh. Anyway, this is more for Mike's sake...he said that our talk was "blog-worthy", so I figured I would write something about it. Eno, Mike, and I spent a couple of hours just talking...about clubbing, relationships, flirting...I always think it's kind of weird, you know, when you're getting to know people...and it's sort of at the point where you feel like you can share some stuff, but the stuff you share is...well...it's not really like stuff you want an opinion on. I'm not sure I know exactly how to explain it, but it's kind of like, we're sharing, but in a very objective and detached sort of way. Maybe I'm the kind of person that feels like all that raw emotion needs to be there or something. I dunno. But, in the end, it's just kind of cool to talk...especially with people you don't usually have those kind of conversations with.
One embarrassing thing is that I let them read my blog. It's kind of funnie, b/c here I am writing a blog (which is pretty public), but then when the people I mention in it read it, I get very protective of it. And it's not like I say things that are particularly personal or anything like that, but it's kind of weird nevertheless. I think part of it is that I don't really expect anyone to read it, and if they do, they probably just stumbled upon it and have no clue who I am. On the other hand, I guess I get a little paranoid that what I write might be taken the wrong way or something. I think I'm the kind of person that, wants it to be a secret but in a public place. Like, there's this thing of mine that is out on the web, but no one knows it's mine... Hmm...dunno if that makes any sense....*shrug*
Posted by szujin at 11:10 PM | Comments (0)
I think that Friday night
I think that Friday night was prolly a little more fun than it should have been. Jen has this amazing ability to make me drink oh-so-much more than I know that I should. We started off at Matrix for the first part of the night, but since it was so dead, we decided to leave. Not only did it suck, it also put me into one of my "I feel ugly" moods. So, Jen and I had to pay an eight dollar cover charge, but Shelley only had to pay four. Obviously cover is not based on being female or not (unless the cashier thought we were males...which truth be told, isn't all that much better), so it must've been on looks, and since Shelley got less....you can see where I'm going with this... grr.
Anyway, so we left Matrix and headed for Touch...and I have to say, it totally went downhill (the drinking that is) from there. Jen, Scott and I were doing shots, and I think the bartender had a thing for Jen, so he would charge her a lot less for the shots, and instead of putting them in shotglasses would fill a cocktail glass halfway and call that a shot. I don't really recall how many I had, but I can fully say that it was much much more than I should have. But, it was crazy fun anyway. We were dancing on stage, having a blast. Halfway through the night, Tom started talking to a palm tree in the club, saying that he was doing it for his wife...but other than that, I think everything was pretty normal...hehehe. I finally had the "nerve" to tell Scott that he had absolutely no rhythm, and after that he decided he wasn't going to dance anymore. I kinda felt bad, but you know...things come up when you're drunk. Hehehe.
So, Saturday, I had the worst hangover. And to top that off, I started my period and was cramping like a mofo. Let me tell you, both of those things together does not make a very happy person. I thought I was going to curl up and die. I have come to the realization (every month), that ibuprofin is God's gift to females. I don't think I could live without that stuff. Hmm...I think I'm going to go take some now...
Posted by szujin at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)
February 03, 2003
I finished my stupid sensor
I finished my stupid sensor network project today. Well, at least the coding part of it. I really hate when documentation sucks. You kno, you'd think that people who write this stuff know that it's annoying to have horrid (or nonexistent) documentation, but yet, it still happens. ARGH. I kno I'm just ranting and sounding super duper dorky, but I can't help it.
Other than that, this weekend was pretty uneventful. I don't even really think I did anything at all (except maybe code...). I didn't even celebrate Chinese New Year. Isn't that kind of depressing? Well, we went out to dinner on Saturday, but it wasn't very eventful. The fish and duck were good, but it turned out to be a lot more expensive than we thought it would be. And then, that was about it....
And then I realize why I don't usually keep a blog. I have nothing to write about! Sigh. Ok, I'm going to stop now.
Posted by szujin at 06:33 PM | Comments (0)