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April 24, 2003
I think it's always sad
I think it's always sad when you feel like a chapter of your life has ended. Not that this chapter of life shouldn't have been closed like two years ago, but when it feel relatively definitive, it's really depressing. I don't like hurting people, and I think I always try ways to soften the blow, but I think all I do is manage to make it worse. I dunno, after the phone conversation with the friend I am talking about, it seemed like, well, that he would never call me again. I'm so sad because I feel like I hurt him, and I never had the intention of doing that. Deep down, I know that I didn't really do anything wrong, and I just wanted to be supportive, but somehow I think that I made things worse. Ugh...I'm just frustrated.
Posted by szujin at 09:31 AM | Comments (0)
April 20, 2003
Ok, so I am going
Ok, so I am going to geek it out and today and just BITCH. Hmm...I think this is a reoccuring theme as the semester comes closer to and end. I would like to say that Linux, you suck ASS. I don't think I will go into elaborate details, but I can tell you that this past weekend, when it was absolutely gorgeous outside, I was stuck inside, recompiling kernels, and trying to make source code that was supposed to work, work. I stayed up until five in the morning last night trying to get the damn thing to boot. And when I went to sleep, guess what I dreamed about? KERNELS. Ohmigod. I don't even like this stuff. First thing I did when i woke up? No, I didn't go to the bathrom, take a shower, or even eat breakfast...I headed straight for my stupid laptop and tried to make the damn thing work. So now that the beautiful weekend is over (yes, cry me a river), I finally got it to somehow work. And the worst part? I didn't get to work out at all this weekend and so I feel really fat. Ugh.
Anyway, Friday night we had a dumpling party at Chenxi's place. We invited like 20 people or something, so it was some serious dumpling making. We made pork, shrimp, and vegetarian dumplings. And I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, the pork ones were the best. I think I like meat so much that I couldn't possibly ever be a vegetarian, no matter how sad I think it is to slaughter animals. But, yeah, so lemme brag a little when I say I made 90% of the filling for the dumplings. Go me. =) I was pretty worried b/c I've never made dumpling filling in such massive quantity, and I wasn't using any type of measuring utensils, but no one said they were gross ass, so I was happy. Dumpling parties are so much fun. It's great to be Chinese. (And you can follow it with AZN PRIDE...or some crap like that).
I am definitely a little giddy right now. Still haven't gotten off the high of making the stupid Linux stuff work. Of course, I haven't gotten all the way through, but I feel like I hit a major milestone, so excuse me while I do my funky little dance. Anyway, thought I would give myself a small break and do nothing, but now it's back to work. BLEH.
Posted by szujin at 06:15 PM | Comments (0)
April 17, 2003
I got my earrings from
I got my earrings from my cousin today. They were WAY TOO BIG. I wanted to have the same earrings for my three ear holes, but the earrings are so big that there is no way in hell I could get those things through all my ear holes. It's kind of disappointing since I was sort of looking forward to getting them. But what are ya gonna do, huh?
I think I suffered from slight food poisoning today. My mom sent me some of that yummy codfish/sesame seeds snack food (I know, it sounds disgusting, but it is really good...), and I ate a bunch of it. And right afterwards, my stomach started complaing to me. I think I went to the bathroom like five times after that and felt better a couple hours later. And then stupid me, I was like, "Hell, I feel better, let's try again!" and I scarfed down some more of the codefish, and then...I was sick again. I am so smart. And then, I was even smarter when I got home. I somehow managed to mistake ground turkey for ground pork, and tried to make this chinese dish with mainly soy sauce and ground pork. So, I started cooking the meat when I realized it wasn't ground pork. But I figured (I don't know why exactly, I'm still trying to figure out my sudden increase in stupidity) that somehow, turkey and pork could substitute for each other, and continued on my merry way. Well, I can definitively conclude that I am WRONG. After cooking for a couple of minutes, my kitchen (and hence my entire apartment) started smelling this weird, gross turkey/soy sauce smell to it. I think it made me pretty sick. I feel sort of inclined to eat it (because I made it...), but I think it's pretty gross. And the worst part is that now, my entire apartment smells like it, including my bed and clothes. Ugh. Kinda feel like kicking myself.
Hmm...other than that, still swamped with work, although sometimes I'm not very good at working on that part. I get to go play with cats tomorrow night, so I am pretty excited. Yay cats. =) But yeah, figuring out stupid things such as classpaths really suck. But, as long as it works now (even though it took me two-three hours to get it to work), I can finally say that I am a little closer. Sigh.
Posted by szujin at 02:24 AM | Comments (0)
April 13, 2003
While I desperately try to
While I desperately try to write a checkpoint for my class, I come to the conclusion that I'm not very good at writing. I feel sort of like I am writing things over and over again, and then I just get a little unmotivated. Of course, for blogs I happen to be able to ramble for pages on end. But hell, have to write something that is useful? No way that is possible. So, instead I am writing in my blog. This weekend wasn't exactly the most of exciting. I had the opportunity to go out on both nights, but I think I've gotten into my majorly bummy mood and turned down both offers. Instead, I sit at home hoping that I can get work done, but find myself failing quite miserably. Of course, I went shopping today, which btw, isn't all that productive. But I bought shoes that don't pitch my toes, and hopefully that'll make my feet better. I also went to Petco and saw like ten cats. I think I almost died and went to heaven. They were so cute. I almost took one home with me (not that I really can, but I really liked her) because she came and sat in my lap for a while without being forced to. One cat that looked a lot like Ellsie threw up in his cage and was happily licking it all up (yes, gross...but cute in some sort of sick way I suppose), and there were two baby cats that were absolutely adorable. It was such a beautiful day today, it seemed a waste to sit in and do work. Tomorrow is supposed to be even prettier, but apparently since I slacked today, I'm going to have to pay for it tomorrow. Maybe I can suck it up and get back to work to enjoy the day tomorrow. =)
Posted by szujin at 01:11 AM | Comments (0)
April 08, 2003
Today is one of those
Today is one of those sucky bad days. Where you feel like crap, and nothing is going right...and you just wanna cry. I'm having one of those "lack of motivation" weeks...well.....the past few weeks actually. You know, where the usual questions of "Why the hell am I here?", "What the hell am I doing?" and "What the hell is going on?" just keep running through my head. I'm not sure if I'm in the right profession, or if I'm just lacking in the brains, but I feel like I shouldn't be here, and I feel well...bad, basically. And to top it off, I CAN'T SLEEP. I hate days like these. It's at moments like this I wish I could go back to those easy days of high school...or even back to college. I feel like I've lost that drive to make me succeed. I haven't reached the top, but hell, I can't find the motivation to make me want to strive more. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Posted by szujin at 02:50 AM | Comments (0)
April 07, 2003
You know, someone must be
You know, someone must be seriously talking some shit about me. My ear is SO ITCHY!!! I keep scratching it b/c it won't stop itching. It's driving me up the wall! I think I've scratched it so much that it's starting to hurt a little, but I can't stop. It's like I'm addicted. ARGH...
I picked up Scott from the airport today, and we had another minor adventure when I took him home. Since he went away for the weekend, he got all paranoid and decided to place a stick where his sliding door slides so that you can't slide the door even when it is unlocked. He has a front door to his apartment that goes through a bunch of really sketchy corridors with no lights to reach the door. So, for some odd reason, he asked me to help him take his luggage to his apartment. So, after feeling up the walls and scaring the shit out of ourselves, we finally reached his front door to realize that he friggin dead-bolted his front door from the inside!! So, we had to go to his sliding doors and use a wire coat hanger to try to pry the piece of wood out of the door jam. We didn't have a flashlight, it was butt cold, and it took us forever! You have to imagine me hugging the glass plane, trying to push it in while Scott is jamming this wire hanger through the slit between the two glass doors and desperately trying to grab a piece of wood. Scott (being the girl he is), had plugged in a new air freshner, and we could smell it through the door. Personally, I think it was taunting us. So, after an hour of looking like robbers, Scott finally got the piece of wood out and we got in. He goes and checks the front door, and realizes that HE DIDN'T REALLY DEADBOLT THE DOOR. I couldn't decide between laughing at him or killing him.. I swear, we have the stupidest adventures. First the car stuck in ice, and now this... We are great procrastinators. Sigh. I told him after this that he definitely owes me dinner!!! I'm not sure I'm going to trust him again either. Hahaha.
Oh...and Jim...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (It's really the sixth, but hell, I'm still awake, so it still counts). Hope you liked the pseudo not really surprise dinner since we got the day wrong. Hahaha.....at least we tried to remember. =)
Posted by szujin at 12:23 AM | Comments (0)
April 04, 2003
OHMIGOD I NEED TO VENT.
OHMIGOD I NEED TO VENT. I hate my program. What the hell. I'm so pissy right now you wouldn't believe. So, I was pretty decently sure like, three days ago my code worked. At least the part that is now crashing on me. So, NOT TOUCHING THIS PART OF MY CODE, I'm testing out other parts, and they don't work, so I back up to this old part, and all of sudden, everything is barfing on me. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. I hate segmentation faults. ARGH. I just want to scream. And then there is the stupid part of me that refuses to give up until I figure out what is wrong. There is a part of me that hates this part of me. I'm supposed to get my butt up at 6 tomorrow for yoga. But instead I am here getting pissy at my code. LIKE IT CARES. OHMIGOODNESS. Shoot me now.
Yeah...so no one should see me when I code. I think I turn into this ugly little monster when nothing works right. When did I say that I rather code than do the thinking? man...the grass is always greener on the other side. Ugh.
Posted by szujin at 12:24 AM | Comments (0)
April 01, 2003
Last weekend, Mike came to
Last weekend, Mike came to visit me. Kind of funnie because Pittsburgh has been getting warmer, and last week had warm enough weather for shorts and tanktops. But the day that Mike showed up (Saturday), the weather took a turn for the worse, and by Sunday, we were having snow. Now that Mike is gone back to Atlanta, the weather is getting back to normal again. I don't think Pittsburgh likes Mike very much. Everytime he comes, it either rains or snows. Hehe. So much for going out to the park and enjoying the weather with a nice picnic.
Anyway, the weekend overall was pretty decent. On Friday, a bunch of us went out to Schenley Park and had a nice BBQ. It was pretty windy, but other than that, the food was good, and we had a pretty good time. Friday night we all went out to Sanctuary. I think I like Sanctuary, but it's a bit crowded. All the girls drank a lot, but the guys didn't really drink that much. Some guy at the bar told me that I was "bouncing all over him" while I was waiting for my drink. I had no idea what he meant, but he was such an ass that it kind of ruined my buzz for a little bit. Stupid person. Bleh. Anyway, other than that, I picked up Mike Saturday morning, and we just hung out together for the rest of the weekend.
On the other hand, I have a friend who is seriously pissing the hell out of me right now. I can't believe how immature he is being that I want to scream. So I found out from a friend that he actually told someone (jokingly of course) that the only reason I have friends is b/c I sleep around. And ohmigod...I don't care if it were a joke or not, a) I wasn't there and b) that's just wrong, especially if you are saying it to someone who doesn't really know me and can take it the wrong way. So I confronted my friend about it and was like "hey, I don't appreciate you saying shit about me even if you think it's funnie. I don't think it's funnie." And now, he throws some crap that I and my other friend make him uncomfortable and all of a sudden he is ignoring me...like I did something to piss him off. I just want to say to him "GROW THE HELL UP." I hate people who are so immature that they can't handle criticism. Ugh.
Posted by szujin at 01:22 PM | Comments (0)