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August 07, 2003
Last night, my cousin and
Last night, my cousin and I went to the Bruce Springsteen concert. We were about 30 minutes late due to various reasons, but we were still early enough to catch the beginning of the show, as well as wait 30 minutes for it to start. It was decently exciting, I suppose. There must be something to be said about being in a mass of people who all are raving about one thing. Too bad neither my cousin or I were great Springsteen fans...or even knew of one of the songs that he sang. Nevertheless, we enjoyed it anyway. We mumbled words when the crowd sang, and we bopped to the music like we knew what was going on. It was sort of strange since we were like, the only two Asians in sight (or of any minority for that matter), but it was still decently fun. Both of us got really hungry at the end (and as we know, I become unfunctional without food), so we left after the first encore (I heard there were two). But we were able to beat the traffic, get lost looking for my car, and end up at India Garden eating yummy nan and chicken tikka masala. So, overall it wasn't too bad of a day.
Recently, I feel slightly alienated from my friends. Although I'm not exactly sure how to put it, but I feel like the group that I am in suddenly seems very unfamiliar to me now. Gossip seems to riddle our friendships, and everyday I hear something that I either felt like I should've heard (as in, "that's strange, I would've thought she would've told me since we're pretty good friends"), or should not have heard (ie, "why the heck did you just tell me so-and-so did that?"). And of course, the previous one hurts a little bit more, and maybe I am being slightly sensitive to it, but there is a part of me that feels that maybe I did something to upset the balance in all of our friendships. And I feel like I'm a little bit battling my feelings of insecurity at the same time as trying to admonish myself for the things that I have done. How do you balance the two without losing part of yourself to either complacency or perpetual self-denunciation (and this sentence was so eloquent until I ruined it with my word choice *sigh*)? It's sort of a catch-22 situation when you feel that you want to lean on your friends to help you, but then you feel that only harassing them will drive them away. At times like these, you all of a sudden feel sort of, all alone...
Posted by szujin at August 7, 2003 10:52 AM