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September 01, 2003

Today, Scott started working hard

Today, Scott started working hard core on his resume. All of a sudden, I feel like I should be working on mine too. I keep thinking if I don't get my act together, I will stuck here doing a PhD only b/c I was too lazy to get my ass off and find a job. I feel a little panicky b/c I don't think I am going to be motivated enough to get all my shit done. Recently, I've been feeling so unmotivated again. I wonder if this is the way that research is supposed to be. There are so many low days that it seems that there is no such thing as a high day. Some days I feel like I've made some progress, but on most days I just feel like I am floundering in the sea. Does this mean I am not cut out to get a PhD? I talked to Kimmie last night, and she maintained that she couldn't see me with one. And honestly speaking, I feel a little bit the same way. But somehow I feel that if I don't stay, I will be letting down my advisor and my parents, and those are things I'm not so sure that I can live with. I don't want to be miserable, but I feel like the path that I am walking is going that way. How do I know that me not feeling "the urge" to get a PhD isn't just because I am lazy? I wish somehow I would just "know" and then just get on with it.

Posted by szujin at September 1, 2003 05:54 PM

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