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July 18, 2005
ugh
I'm being wishy-washy again. I want to leave; I want to stay. I hate the PhD, but I want to finish what I started. I want a job, but I'm afraid to look because I am afraid of rejection.
I hate when I get this way. I shouldn't really be at a crossroad in my life. In actuality, I'm basically in my third year as a grad student, leaving would almost seem like a failure. But, I can't help think that I have no idea why I am doing what I am doing. It's funny, because after I had this big blowout with my parents, they "decided" (don't get me started) that I was old enough to make my own decisions. But, I'm not really sure I know how to make decisions, or be ok with my decisions. I went to grad school because of them. I was miserable and I blamed it on them. But now, if I stay, it's really me making myself miserable.
Blah blah blah...
Posted by szujin at July 18, 2005 10:01 PM