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January 13, 2006
So, I'm finally leaving Pittsburgh. Today will make it official. As I sit at home on a Friday while everyone else has gone to school, I feel like a complete and utter failure. No matter what people say/do, or how I feel when I am away, when I come back to Pittsburgh...I feel sad. It's not that I was forced to leave, but rather that here lies a part of my life that I had to "cut the losses." Where I had to realize that stopping was a better answer than going on. The part of me that hates to give up is eating my alive.
Pittsburgh and grad school feel like the end of a chapter of my life that I know should be closed but I can't quite manage to close. I look at my friends who are still in grad school, and those that have graduated and I feel slightly envious. Is it really that I don't *want* to get the PhD, or that I *can't*? In the long run, I guess it doesn't really matter. Quite honestly, I'm not even sure I like the field that I am in...so going all the way is really kind of a stupid choice. Hopefully I'll be able to sort it all out soon enough.
Posted by szujin at January 13, 2006 10:21 AM