Bits and Pieces: Anger management issues

April 27, 2008

Anger management issues

Sometimes, I get so angry at work, I'm not sure how I am supposed to fix it. Knowing that you are the lowest paid person who basically has (it feels like, and maybe my head is just super big) the 2nd most responsibility in the group (of a group of eight people), really really is frustrating.

This past week, there was a somewhat major bug (aka show stopper) that happened in our area of the code. It was NOT my area (I was not the one who worked on this feature that broke). The person who did (A), I have felt for a long time, isn't very useful. Well, A was assigned the task to figure out what was wrong, which she promptly asked someone else (not me, person B) to look at. B narrowed it down to a particular thing, but wasn't sure how to fix it. Near the middle of the day, I asked if they needed help (since it was a show stopper). We worked on this for a while, and finally could come up with a workaround. GUESS WHO GOT STUCK IMPLEMENTING THE WORKAROUND. Not person A, who broke the damn thing. Not person B, who person A asked to help. But ME. ME. And not only do I have to do it, I have to do it by 930 am Monday morning (when I was told Friday night at 8pm). Person A writes me an email, cc'ing my manager, our director (the manager above him), our TL and basically says "Manager asked me to write you an email to REMIND YOU TO FIX THIS BY MONDAY MORNING." WTF. I was super pissed.

I can't really blame A for having me stuck doing it. Our TL assigned it to me. Sometimes, it frustrates me about him too. He says things like, "Well, other people have families to go to. They have things to do after work, so I try to help them and give them less things to do." So that means, being that I am basically the one single person (and w/o family) person in our group, I get stuck with more work BECAUSE I AM SINGLE. And that...in itself, really pisses me off too. I dunno, I kind of feel like, "DUDE, I don't really care if you have a family. I do NOT like feeling like i am getting punished b/c I don't have a family. It's ANNOYING." But TL feels that he is doing other people a favor. But that means I get stuck doing it.

It's really hard to figure out exactly what I want to do in my situation. I'm constantly in a weird power struggle with myself. Sometimes, I feel like my "hold" on my group is slipping and this is frustrating. Sometimes I feel, "WHY THE **** aren't people stepping up?!" Sometimes, I feel like I should just quit. Other times, I feel like I'm in this weird/awesome situation where I probably have a lot of responsibility/control than I would at any other company. It could be a good learning experience! But other times, I feel like "This is just bullshit. I could also get paid more elsewhere." I think I just feel undervalued, and that's a really shitty feeling. :(

Posted by szujin at April 27, 2008 04:57 PM

Comments

That's crummy but smart, hard working people usually get rewarded in the end. Keep you chin up.

Posted by: e1000 at April 28, 2008 11:47 AM

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