Anxious.

So. Things happened in last year:

1. Changed jobs. No more bitching about my job. Haha. Just kididng. A year has passed at new job, it's not possible to not complain!
2. Bought a house. And home ownership is interesting! Oddly, choosing paint colors is hard. Did you know there are different types of beiges? Pinky beige, yellow beige! And they don't go together!
3. Got married. He's ok. :P
4. Went to New Zealand. Love. I'd move there.

Things that happened last week:
1. Got a raise! This makes me happy. Was so anxious before I asked that I almost puked on Friday. But...success!
2. Bought a Vitamix. Ice - you are no longer a problem for me! Too bad my fridge is broken in the ice department and we actually had to go to the grocery store to buy ice.
3. Bought a steam hard wood cleaner. This thing is the SHIT. I've never felt so domesticated and so content with my floors after using this thing. Total impulse buy that was 100% worth it.
4. Ran in the Lake Tahoe Relay. This one requires many sub-bullets.
a. Being the slowest person on the team is embarrassing (by two minutes per miles!). I totally felt like the bottle neck...but everyone was SUPER supportive. Loved the team.
b. Not drinking water when there is a *** van filled with water following you is STUPID. Especially in high altitude...
c. I need to run more hills.
d. I am SSSOOO not ready for the SF marathon.
e. I'd totally run this relay again!

And...that's it. :)

Anyhoot. I figured I'd write down my "recovery" period so far. "Recovery" in quotes because I still can't freaking see.

PRK Day -2 (Two days prior to procedure): I was scheduled to have my PRK on 02/04, but my mom had wanted me to reschedule (long story). So, I had called to reschedule when the receptionist told me that they just happened to have an opening this upcoming Thursday. Since I had wanted to get the procedure done ASAP (their first opening was 02/04 when I had initially booked). I JUMPED. HELL YEAH I was ready. Let's get this shit over with!

PRK Day -1: Holy f*ck. What the freak was I thinking? Did I do the necessary prep work? Call doctor. Doctor says ok. Ok...

PRK DAY -1 Night: Tossing and turning. #!!#@!&!! AM I INSANE? I am perfectly content with my eye sight now. Gas permeable contacts have done well for me. WHY am I doing this? I could go BLIND after this. OMG OMG OMG. I am a turd. Why the **** did I put money into FSA?!

Side note: I had been scheduled to do my left eye Lasik and my right eye PRK since my right eye was so bad, but I decided at night (after MUCH MUCH tossing and turning) to go for PRK in both eyes.

PRK Day 0 (Day of the procedure - 01/07):
Wake up in the morning and have breakfast with an ex-coworker. We talk (about...stuff...) I drink a shit ton of coffee. I am stupid.

My appointment is scheduled in the afternoon and I get there with plenty of time. My heart is FREAKING OUT. Why the heck did I drink so much coffee again? Secondary doc offers me a Valium. I take Valium. WHY THE **** does Valium not work? My hands are shaking I am so nervous.

About 45 minutes after the Valium, I get called into the "room." Main doctor is there with two other nurses. I think it's possible I may puke. One of the nurses notices how nervous I am. "Would you like something to squeeze?" Uh...YES. She hands me two beanie babies. It's possible I may have decapitated them in the process.

Anyway, I lie down under this huge machine and they get working on with my right eye first. They tape it open or something which kind of hurts, and then DRENCH it with numbing solution. Truthfully, this is ok with me. Then the doc goes to town scraping (?!) my eye. Oddly, despite seeing the scraping, this does not hurt (hello numbing drops). And then some shit happens (yeah, I think I was busy trying not to puke) when the doctor tells me to stare at some green light. Apparently I am a fidgeter because the doc tells me to STOP MOVING (e.g., "Every time you move, it moves your head too. You don't want that, do you?"), like five times. Oops. And then lasering starts happening, I smell some burnt something (hello eyeball?) and then it's all over. Doc put some shit on my eye, nurse squirts half a bottle of saline solution on my eye and they put on the bandage contact. Done.

Repeat (and rinse - ha!) on left eye.

So...once it's all over, they tell me to get up, and I can actually see (sort of)! It's no miracle, it's not like I can see 20/20 all of a sudden (like you read in other blogs - "I can see the clock!" because I definitely could not see a clock. Perhaps...because there wasn't a clock in the room...but minor detail...Moving on...), but you know, good enough and definitely much better than without contacts before. So, slightly happy and a little less neurotic feeling-ed.

So anyhoot, I can tell that I'm supposed to get out of there, so I thank the doc and am out the door. Nurse leads me to my stuff and says "You did pretty well considering how nervous you were!" Which to me, tells me I sucked it. Ahh...Valium. You failed me. At least it's over.

Anyway...so Scott picks me up and he tells me that he REALLY REALLY wants to watch the championship football game up in Palo Alto. But I really really need baby-sitting. So I tell him I will go with him (I am stupid). It's dusk by the time we get up there, I am drugged out and sleepy, but we manage to make it to the bar. Thank god we got there slightly late and cannot get in. We go home. Don't tell him I was secretly happy. :P

We watch the footbball game and Texas loses. It is sad. I can't really see the tv, but oddly my eyes don't really hurt. My right eye feels some stinging, but definitely nothing as bad as I expected. Tomorrow may be a lot worse.

PRK Day 1: I wake up. No miracle. :( But also, not much pain. I put in drops (there are three) and pop some other medicine that makes me sleepy. I go back to sleep and sleep until noon.

I wake up, make some phone calls. TRY VERY HARD to look at a monitor. No go. I call some DJs for the wedding. One guy tries to sell me on uplighting - sends me to his website. I have no idea what he is talking about, and I definitely have no idea what I am supposed to be seeing. I take some notes - Scott will find out what uplighting is!

I go back to sleep. Sleep, sleep, and sleep. I think I may have slept for 20 hrs this day.

PRK Day 2: This is supposed to be the worse day for PRK, so when I wake up and still can't see wonderfully, I am ok with this. How much longer can it go on anyway?

I am...bored shitless. I realize that it's hard to do anything when you can't see. I can't surf the web, I can't read. I can't do anything! So...I clean. Clean my room, clean my fridge, clean my bathroom, clean my closets. Bored.

PRK Day 3: I wake up, and HOLY SHIT it's a miracle! I can see! I read EVERYTHING I am so freaking excited. LOOK...CLOCK!!! Of course...this might have been over-zealousness on my part because by noon...my eyesight deterioriates again, and I can not see so well again. :( I try to comfort self by saying that my eyeball cells are regenerating. But seriously, this SUCKS.

We go look at some houses with our realtor. I cannot recognize a freaking squirrel in the backyard. It is a sad day, and I am frustrated. I think the morning clarity was a bad call on my eyes' parts. Don't give me false hope like that.

Night time. I AM BORED SHITLESS. This is seriously sucky.

PRK Day 4: Monday morning, I wake up hoping against all hopes that I can see. Not so well. Definitely not well enough to drive. WTF. I decide to take another PTO. And then I feel guilty for taking PTO. Ugh. I hate when I do that.

And...I sleep some more.

And I do nothing because I cannot see.

And then in the middle of the day, probably because I have nothing else better to do, I panic and think that this will never get better. And I freak out and try desperately to read online about PRK and discover that hazing is a popular side effect. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE HAZING? Is this why I cannot see? Did I not take enough Vitamin C? Will I have hazing for the rest of my LIFE?! Will I ever see again?!?!

I have minor panic attack in the middle of the day. I send a couple of messages to random people. It's possible that I may puke.

And here I am now. Font 28. You are my savior.

We'll see how it goes tomorrow!

Should I just buy one for myself?! I already asked for something from Scott for Xmas, so it's kind of hard to be like "Changed my mind! Buy this instead!" Hmm...I don't travel very much, but when I *do* travel, it's pretty awesome. AND I will be travelling more this upcoming year...

Gah. I am a serious gadget whore.

That's right! 8:22 pace! Holy crapola! PR! PR! Shock.

I should retire now. :)

But "seriously", 8:00 I'm coming after you!

1:55:56. Have another one in 2 weeks!

2007 was a 2:03:30...so there is improvement in there.

And just so I have a record of it somewhere:

NWM 2007 2:03:30
US Half 2007 1:59:59
NODM 2008 1:53:39
NWM 2008 4:21:51
See Jane Run 2009 1:56:45
NWM 2009 1:55:56

Wish I kept my splits.

But I think I'm quite sad because I really did want to get in, and I think I would have been better off if I hadn't actually signed up to be PL (it would have been easier). AND I could have actually trained for the marathon instead of only the half.

But, at least now that I've made my decision, I can stop debating every Saturday if I should try to go to Danville anymore.

2. I must sweat a lot. Especially in my ears (ewww). Third pair of headphones I have broken. Sigh.

3. GPS watch is so freaking cool. Keeps me somewhat informed about my pace. I realize I am not so steady of a runner as I'd wish to be.

4. My ankle wrap SUPER stinks. I washed it, but it doesn't seem to help so much. But, I kind of love it. And I'm kind of afraid to run without it. It's a serious love hate relationship.

10 minutes later, I was splatted on the ground with a sprained ankle, bloodied knee, two scraped up palms, and my ego slightly battered.

Apparently, there are sometimes rocks on the road, and when you try to turn to the right and happen to step on the rock, your ankle doesn't always handle said rock very well and will roll ALL OVER THE FUCKING ROCK, and you will land splatted on the ground. With cars somewhat close behind you. WHO DRIVE RIGHT PAST YOU AFTER YOU HAVE SPLATTED. Embarrassed and ignored. Perfect combo.

So there I am, in front of the Sunnyvale Caltrain station, feeling as pathetic as can be, with no cell phone or stores open so that I can call someone to pick me up. And all my brain can think about is how I freaking ate a "not very healthy breakfast" and now I won't be able to run/workout for a week, and I am going to be FAT. Oh, and that I have to gimp my way home from where I fell, and that it was going to freaking take FOREVER (which, btw, it does).

So, my ankle is now huge and bruised and hurts like a mofo. But I have learned (once again) that pain killers make the world go round, and so despite said bloated ankle, I am "happy" as a clam and popping pills like a mad person.

Running in 95 heat = super SUPER stupid.

This weekend, I decided I was going to try out the Sports Basement Run Club on Sunday. It's a lot closer than the Stanford one, plus I could run to this one (it's only about 1.75 miles away) and run back when I was done. I planned, 4-5 miles with the run club, then about 3 miles round trip from Sports Basement, and I'd have a good 7-8 mile run. Not too bad.

I underestimated two things: heat, and my stupid STUPID "i want to do what everyone else is doing!" mentality.

SO. First, I run to SB. I am already sweating like a pig by the time I get there. CANNOT STOP SWEATING. This should've been a sign. Plus, it was already somewhat late (I have no idea why the run club starts so late. 9AM? Seriously? Are they trying to kill us?) So I ask around, and everyone is like "8-10 miles!" none of that pansy, "4-5 miles" crap I was looking for. SSSOOOO...after much internal debate ("it is fucking HOT" versus "But everyone else is running more!!"), I went with it and decided that I could suck it up and run the "minimum" 8 miles.

Little did I know that the people who were spouting off the 8-10 miles were the super crazy ones who run 7:30 min/mi pace IN THE HEAT. There were others who ran slower, but somehow I got swept away with the 7:30 pace group and about died after the two first mile (sigh, this is such a re-occurring theme! Note to self: PACE SELF BETTER, GODDAMNIT)

Slowed down to try to not die, but seriously, it was all over for me. I'm not sure I was even running faster than I could walk I was so freaking slow (and hot and nauseated). The next six miles were tortuous. And to top it off, I missed a turn and had to backtrack about quarter of a mile to get back on the route. Needless to say, I was miserable. :(

But somehow I managed to finish. I SOMEHOW made it home from SB (more like a walk than anything else). Went straight over to Scott's place and dunked myself in the pool (without bothering to change out of running clothes). And then (after brief lunch), stayed IN the pool for the next 2 hrs.

I had told Scott that it was too hot to run. He called me a pansy. Next time, I should ignore the bf.

And because of that...I feel super out of shape. Blah.

Guess it was ok considering I was definitely not as prepared as I thought I should've been.